Waiting For the End

You will forget to be wrong one day, but will regret for the past wrong you have done, now you know what big mistake you have done and the difference between what to do and whats not. Those are the most dangerous feeling I ever deal with. It's so hard to bear these guilty memories and feelings. Its like the line of "Waiting For the End" when Emily is singing with the misery around her eyes on stage.

Sitting in an empty room 
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so
I know what it takes to move on
(Oh) I know how it feels to lie
(Oh) All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
(Oh) Holding on to what I haven't got

The Lake I spend time with

My feelings are not as pure as the air of this lake.

My past is not as buoyant as the water of this lake.

There is nothing in my life that makes me stand as proud as these benevolent plants.

My life is just full of mistakes and mistakes which separate me from others like mentally unbalanced person.

There is no joy in my life that is so terrifying as the long nights in Iceland.

Iblis Satan took my form and performed many bad deeds, So I am inhuman to many people.  

Tea Stall

I used to drink tea in a tea stall located beside fruit and Vegetable Market at Notun Bazar, Mymensingh. I usually drink tea and spent little time only two tea stall in Mymensingh City, It is one of two. It's a little famous tea stall in entire city, there are different types of politics centered by this stall. Many people are come to drink tea here. Yesterday was not exceptional I just put step in the stall to drink some tea, Meanwhile I were suffering headache for an unknown reason; so I ordered a Bullet Tea (Made by Tamarind and Green Pepper) and waiting for the tea. A man just enter the shop and sat dawn with me; in the matter of fact we introduced with each other his name is BIJON ACHARJA. He work at Bangladesh Power Development Board in a branch located Shylet Division. He spent 10 days a month in Mymensingh City and approximately 20 days in Shylet, he said. I found when he talk his voice level remain very low, I think people who talk through lower volume is either dangerous or too innocent. Bijon Acharja might be a too innocent guy, indicated through my quick judgement. I took his contact info to contact later, and he also. This guy is too lonely and felt boring 10 days of his Mymensingh life every month. I have no friend in the city, he said. He is about more than 35 years old or more than that. Today he called me at the same time we meet yesterday. I was near that tea stall my School is located near Notun Bazar I get out from there at 12:00 am. And we got meet, drink tea and talk a lot about King SHASHICANTA ACHARJA, who ruled this  area at Seventeen Century. We left from the stall by agreeing hopefully we meet again next month.

It was Wednesday

It's Wednesday, I woke up 5:30 am and slept again 6:00 am. Again rose up at 11:00 am. Got fresh and took breakfast. Then immediately had go to our District commissioner about a claim. But he wasn't in his office, assistant said he had to go to Dhaka. I set my step back to home. Meanwhile I was suffering forehead very badly. Feeling little stress about my career and future step. 

 

When I started walking to come back to home, unfortunately meet with a brother inside my vehicle. He just said his mother is gone to God. I never seen someone before in that level of normal attitude after death of Mom. Just 2 hours, after Aunt's death. I asked what's happened with her. Were surviving on brutal illness, he replied. OK, now I got the point why he is so normal than others, actually he got that those feelings during illness. But he were broken inside, his mother have been so much take care of him. I noticed last three years. He is lonely now with his wife. I joined the last pray of his mother's before burial, and think life is hard for while.

 

My productivity is decreasing day by day.  Not getting Client for Finovatic, Learning code is not resulting good progress, semester final is near. But I'm not enjoying academic books at all, there is very limited topic is relevant with me in my BBA courses books. So, I started to read "4-Hour Work Week" by Tim Ferris. After reading one boring page got an interesting topic. Tim shares the secret how to do something someone fearing to do, but that's very important to step out. He write his own story how he left his $70k monthly revenue business for world tour. And another story of Jean-Marc's Surviving and eventually worse situations turn into affirming Epiphany, those were inspiring. Tim shares seven steps and logic and some philosophy how anyone can anyone do the same. He strongly wrote that, "What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do". I Loved it and figure out something I was afraid and undecided. Now my mind is clean & I'm out stress and thinking about this amazing philosophy about going to wherever I want to go. Thanks Tim to save my day.

A Memory with a Great Man

It was really pleasure to got Mr. Asad. I was drinking Date Juice in Boro-Bazar Road, Mymensingh. Suddenly, He came and ask me how was the drink. I was totally surprised to see him. He was Known to me as very honest politician in a Rural area of Trisal sub-district. People are satisfied with his service as a Chairman of a Union Parishad. I have noticed many things during 2018 to 2022. After 2022, I used to avoid social media specially Facebook. From 2018, when we made our friendship in Facebook at 2022, I never saw him directly anywhere although we are living in a same City. But yesterday 19 January 2025 we made a good memory. I was talking to juice seller, and he ordered half glass of juice. Half glass because he is suffering diabetics. Before we meet, he also drink some sugarcane juice also, he said. After that, he drink juice in front of me. I was thinking I will pay his bill. But I wasn't brave enough because he is like my father's age. He tried to pay my bill, but couldn't because my payment had completed when he arrived. I tell something about our Facebook friendship, we never talk also in Facebook messenger, but he is such a friendly guy. He had introduced his family to me and ask my profession, etc. I was totally stranger to him. I took two selfies with him by his phone because my phone's front camera was so bad. At last he said he will send those pictures to me, and he did; which I included above. One compliment about him, he is more innocent and naive than I had thought. He is a great man, man like him; rare nowadays.

A little wish

I want to walk on a safe road for a long time. It doesn't matter if it rains or fog falls, but it doesn't contain dust. There is no problem with many people walking, but no vehicles can be used. Village roads or city streets, silent or favorite sounds in the ear.

A little queer thought

I lived a normal life when I was supposed to be lost. I was lost when I was supposed to live a normal life. I don't want to go back now. I want to live in a world where there is no one I know, where everything will be new; I want to nurture myself by re-birthing mine artificially.

See the Difference

When a man properly understands the difference between a knowledgeable and knowledge less guy, then he will definitely try to become a perpetual learner. 

A Old Unpublished

I could not touch that border;

which awakens the senses when touched

Everything of value is neglected,

Simple imperfection is forced,

Incarcerated in a low intelligence prison,

What a strange destruction under the pressure of surrounding stupidity,

I can't see that scene;

Which can defeat my failure.

I can't feel those feelings;

Which is life or way of living.

The objects of folly are precious creatures;

Waiting and talking to myself;

A lot of planned confusion has been going around for many years!

I could not go to those destinations;

Where I am supposed to live.

My body shuddered some small words!

I sometimes find nothing;

But I have many things.

I can't find any explanation;

Which will give me something new to think about,

I could find no way;

Which will give me the opportunity to walk again!

Dark Feelings

My world sometimes gets dark, I find nothing in the very dark. I can only feel my serious crime, for why I am in a strange prison. Day by day I can't find a way to get myself out of prison. In my world there is a very strong light of hope sometimes, but it does not last anymore. I get left alone as before. I twisted with sadness; I don't find anyone anywhere. I was very depressed and searched for a way to solve my problem, finally finding no way, Its out of my control. But finally, Allah has kept me enlightened, in mercy. 

Our friendship

We belong a sweet story of friendship. There was no confusion/hesitation or any repeat question in our relationship. Which build our relation on the pillar of believe. 

We have some great moments where we lived that time. There is no commitment, there's no responsibility, no doubt, no Anxiety at all. We just lived in our own freedom, great understanding, unreasonable communication, different thinkings about each other. Imagine a friendship like this even at 2023, that was amazing with unstoppable feelings. When I am thinking about our undecided feelings, I just feel there is nothing special in my life without it. I can live only with think of it. 

If distance is most authentic destination, we will succeed. 

If friendship is most authentic relation, we will succeed.

If trying to make a relation better than friendship is a great sin, we will succeed. 

But if breaking friendship is another great sin, only when we will Failure. 

Be proud we are friend of each other.

Illegal

Artificial sleep after illegal feelings or Illegal sleep after artificial feelings; I didn't want anything. I just wanted Peace and neutral situation.

Expensive Persons

If you found lots of people ignoring you, don't worry if you believe you are a great person. Most people can't close with expensive persons, because expensive persons are used to survive in a great lifestyle. And normal people think they can't effort expensive persons.

Be alone to Get true yourself

A man is most secure in loneliness. So, when you feel hesitate you need to handle it lonely.

I am an Artist

I am an artist. Whatever I have done, or I'll do; That's all about my art, and there is no rules to make art; So, don't feel queer to see my art, because some of my art is awful. So, sometimes feeling queer about it, Make put you very dangerous situation

Express your knowledge to Become Valuable

In our country about 80% students doesn't collect significant knowledge but they get read only academic book and get certificate by passing. Nowadays we have enough opportunity for international remotely contribution, freelance, and have enough environment be an entrepreneur in small structure, Knowledgeable person can also find their place inside the country. In our society have a false idea that education is fertile nowadays. This is a wrong concept, But only depending on academic education is fertile. Actually, people can't get engage with good things because they are not capable, they have not enough skill and capabilities to sell themself. One of the best reasons of that they were only on academic book and knowledge. Nowadays this universe is a global village. Most of them are not a proper Person of Global village, who talk education is valueless. Actually, they are big away from latest word. This is the main reason of why they are loser. In our country more over 80% students are not interested to unstoppable collecting knowledge. Most students using internet they waste their time by using social media website, but they can't even do their personal task in Internet.

Without love to knowledge, it's impossible to solve those issues.

Fever

A good fever is a good inebriated feelings to a good suffer

Secret friendship

My subconscious mind will gets a strange pleasure in the touch of a secret disappear friendship.

Common Issues Of Bangladeshi Students

Until the young generation realize how much knowledge they have to collect, even outside of academic knowledge and  how much far from actual world for lacking of knowledge, we can't change our country properly. Our students Evan Don't collect academic knowledge technically properly, but they got pass some got top GPA but Don't know why and what knowledge they collecting, no proper life goals. Some of them thinking got BCS is only success. They can't make dare to become a entrepreneur, don't practice become something new, talented, or make something different, very honorable someone, they can't unstoppable thinking for innovative something. 

We are very limited and weak in the global village this is another big reason why we are far from proper civilization.

Many young educated students use internet most of the time but for do basic task they go to local store for services. This is our situation they don't know proper use of technology.

I think knowledge and creativity related issues are most impact for present situation.

Protect Our Women

Women students are manipulated by parents, most parents are not enough educated, they think women is liability women can't be wealth like men. I seen in my small age most poor and middle class parents forced their daughter for marriage after completing SSC/HSC.

But nowadays we have more smart women in Bangladesh, they are proved the women's eligibility, talent everything. And we have more self employed women, and freedom women. I respect all those women.

However most of the female students are manipulated and depended to their parents. We need some mass Policies, programs, training, for brute parents to make them understanding the value of education for women and men.