Waiting For the End

You will forget to be wrong one day, but will regret for the past wrong you have done, now you know what big mistake you have done and the difference between what to do and whats not. Those are the most dangerous feeling I ever deal with. It's so hard to bear these guilty memories and feelings. Its like the line of "Waiting For the End" when Emily is singing with the misery around her eyes on stage.

Sitting in an empty room 
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so
I know what it takes to move on
(Oh) I know how it feels to lie
(Oh) All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
(Oh) Holding on to what I haven't got

The Lake I spend time with

My feelings are not as pure as the air of this lake.

My past is not as buoyant as the water of this lake.

There is nothing in my life that makes me stand as proud as these benevolent plants.

My life is just full of mistakes and mistakes which separate me from others like mentally unbalanced person.

There is no joy in my life that is so terrifying as the long nights in Iceland.

Iblis Satan took my form and performed many bad deeds, So I am inhuman to many people.  

Tea Stall

I used to drink tea in a tea stall located beside fruit and Vegetable Market at Notun Bazar, Mymensingh. I usually drink tea and spent little time only two tea stall in Mymensingh City, It is one of two. It's a little famous tea stall in entire city, there are different types of politics centered by this stall. Many people are come to drink tea here. Yesterday was not exceptional I just put step in the stall to drink some tea, Meanwhile I were suffering headache for an unknown reason; so I ordered a Bullet Tea (Made by Tamarind and Green Pepper) and waiting for the tea. A man just enter the shop and sat dawn with me; in the matter of fact we introduced with each other his name is BIJON ACHARJA. He work at Bangladesh Power Development Board in a branch located Shylet Division. He spent 10 days a month in Mymensingh City and approximately 20 days in Shylet, he said. I found when he talk his voice level remain very low, I think people who talk through lower volume is either dangerous or too innocent. Bijon Acharja might be a too innocent guy, indicated through my quick judgement. I took his contact info to contact later, and he also. This guy is too lonely and felt boring 10 days of his Mymensingh life every month. I have no friend in the city, he said. He is about more than 35 years old or more than that. Today he called me at the same time we meet yesterday. I was near that tea stall my School is located near Notun Bazar I get out from there at 12:00 am. And we got meet, drink tea and talk a lot about King SHASHICANTA ACHARJA, who ruled this  area at Seventeen Century. We left from the stall by agreeing hopefully we meet again next month.

It was Wednesday

It's Wednesday, I woke up 5:30 am and slept again 6:00 am. Again rose up at 11:00 am. Got fresh and took breakfast. Then immediately had go to our District commissioner about a claim. But he wasn't in his office, assistant said he had to go to Dhaka. I set my step back to home. Meanwhile I was suffering forehead very badly. Feeling little stress about my career and future step. 

 

When I started walking to come back to home, unfortunately meet with a brother inside my vehicle. He just said his mother is gone to God. I never seen someone before in that level of normal attitude after death of Mom. Just 2 hours, after Aunt's death. I asked what's happened with her. Were surviving on brutal illness, he replied. OK, now I got the point why he is so normal than others, actually he got that those feelings during illness. But he were broken inside, his mother have been so much take care of him. I noticed last three years. He is lonely now with his wife. I joined the last pray of his mother's before burial, and think life is hard for while.

 

My productivity is decreasing day by day.  Not getting Client for Finovatic, Learning code is not resulting good progress, semester final is near. But I'm not enjoying academic books at all, there is very limited topic is relevant with me in my BBA courses books. So, I started to read "4-Hour Work Week" by Tim Ferris. After reading one boring page got an interesting topic. Tim shares the secret how to do something someone fearing to do, but that's very important to step out. He write his own story how he left his $70k monthly revenue business for world tour. And another story of Jean-Marc's Surviving and eventually worse situations turn into affirming Epiphany, those were inspiring. Tim shares seven steps and logic and some philosophy how anyone can anyone do the same. He strongly wrote that, "What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do". I Loved it and figure out something I was afraid and undecided. Now my mind is clean & I'm out stress and thinking about this amazing philosophy about going to wherever I want to go. Thanks Tim to save my day.

A Memory with a Great Man

It was really pleasure to got Mr. Asad. I was drinking Date Juice in Boro-Bazar Road, Mymensingh. Suddenly, He came and ask me how was the drink. I was totally surprised to see him. He was Known to me as very honest politician in a Rural area of Trisal sub-district. People are satisfied with his service as a Chairman of a Union Parishad. I have noticed many things during 2018 to 2022. After 2022, I used to avoid social media specially Facebook. From 2018, when we made our friendship in Facebook at 2022, I never saw him directly anywhere although we are living in a same City. But yesterday 19 January 2025 we made a good memory. I was talking to juice seller, and he ordered half glass of juice. Half glass because he is suffering diabetics. Before we meet, he also drink some sugarcane juice also, he said. After that, he drink juice in front of me. I was thinking I will pay his bill. But I wasn't brave enough because he is like my father's age. He tried to pay my bill, but couldn't because my payment had completed when he arrived. I tell something about our Facebook friendship, we never talk also in Facebook messenger, but he is such a friendly guy. He had introduced his family to me and ask my profession, etc. I was totally stranger to him. I took two selfies with him by his phone because my phone's front camera was so bad. At last he said he will send those pictures to me, and he did; which I included above. One compliment about him, he is more innocent and naive than I had thought. He is a great man, man like him; rare nowadays.

A little wish

I want to walk on a safe road for a long time. It doesn't matter if it rains or fog falls, but it doesn't contain dust. There is no problem with many people walking, but no vehicles can be used. Village roads or city streets, silent or favorite sounds in the ear.

A little queer thought

I lived a normal life when I was supposed to be lost. I was lost when I was supposed to live a normal life. I don't want to go back now. I want to live in a world where there is no one I know, where everything will be new; I want to nurture myself by re-birthing mine artificially.

See the Difference

When a man properly understands the difference between a knowledgeable and knowledge less guy, then he will definitely try to become a perpetual learner. 

A Old Unpublished

I could not touch that border;

which awakens the senses when touched

Everything of value is neglected,

Simple imperfection is forced,

Incarcerated in a low intelligence prison,

What a strange destruction under the pressure of surrounding stupidity,

I can't see that scene;

Which can defeat my failure.

I can't feel those feelings;

Which is life or way of living.

The objects of folly are precious creatures;

Waiting and talking to myself;

A lot of planned confusion has been going around for many years!

I could not go to those destinations;

Where I am supposed to live.

My body shuddered some small words!

I sometimes find nothing;

But I have many things.

I can't find any explanation;

Which will give me something new to think about,

I could find no way;

Which will give me the opportunity to walk again!

Dark Feelings

My world sometimes gets dark, I find nothing in the very dark. I can only feel my serious crime, for why I am in a strange prison. Day by day I can't find a way to get myself out of prison. In my world there is a very strong light of hope sometimes, but it does not last anymore. I get left alone as before. I twisted with sadness; I don't find anyone anywhere. I was very depressed and searched for a way to solve my problem, finally finding no way, Its out of my control. But finally, Allah has kept me enlightened, in mercy.